Sir, take your man boob off my shoulder and step back...

You know, I understand that in the morning NY subways tend to get crowded, and I'm ok with that. I also understand that sometimes in the club, it's a little packed and you may brush against someone, again, I get it. What I do not get however, is why people feel it's ok to be so close to someone we swap exponential amounts of DNA. I also don't understand why people, men and women, feel it's ok to take this time to exploooooooore forbidden territory with their hands. LAWD HAMERCY HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MOTHA LOVIN MIND?!?!? I went to the club last weekend with my homies, let's call them Thing 1, Thing 2, and Rasta. Me and Rasta were havin a good time as the ladies of the group, looked good, smelled lovely all those great things. All of a sudden there is an influx of people and we get shoved. This would have been bearable, IF SOMEONE HAD NOT PUT THEIR HAND UP MY DRESS AND TRIED TO MASSAGE MY BUTT CHEEK!!!!!! Thing 1 and Thing 2 had no idea how this happened and I decided it was best to stick near them, for safety sake. Anywhoooooo I then began to dance once more along with Rasta when another crowd comes by and once the squishing has soooomewhat ended, a man starts to dance with me. Now, I use the term dance loosely because what he really tried to do was grind me like I had magic coffee beans hidden somewhere. I tried to walk away, he pulled me back, song ended, he puuuuuuulled me back. By he end of this dance with him trying to rub the skin off of my behind I had such a wedgie think my skivvies were wrapped around my liver. Now you might say "It was a club, lighten up, that's what they do, don't get your panties in a bunch (again)" but no, I cannot lighten up. On the subway, I'm holding the pole after a long day of work, tryyyyying to get home. There's now only standing room left and a man steps onto the train. He then proceeds to glue his man parts to my derrier.....now, my response may have not been the most polite, but it was correct at the time, "Um, excuse me sir, you're humping me, don't know if you noticed, and uh IT NEEDS TO STOP NOW." He looked at me like I was speaking a dead language and shrugged like it was no big deal. I may or may not taken this moment to adjust my purse and elbow him in the belly...gently of course. All I know, is that from now on if people don't start respecting my personal no-no square, the responses are gonna get a lot uglier, and someone is going to lose an appendage.